When you don't meet that Goodreads goal.

I'm not proud of the fact that I've missed a few deadlines here and there. I'm not proud of the fact that my Goodreads goal wasn't met the first year I tried it so I refused to make another one the next year. I'm not proud of the fact that it seems I can't put an ending to a story. I'm not proud of so many things.

 But you know what? I shouldn't be ashamed of those things either.

 I used to get so much anxiety over the things I would post here and on my bookstagram. If I didn't have the most perfectly shot and edited photo to post, I just wouldn't post anything. Or I would and I would write a degrading caption about myself and the photo. (Talk about annoying.) If I couldn't think of the best caption that would draw people's attention and make them want to comment, I wouldn't post.

Sometimes, my  posts flop. Sometimes I don't get any comments and only a few likes. And I start ragging on myself. "You used to do so much better before you took a break from posting" and "People don't want to comment and invest in your time because they know how shaky you've been with putting out content."

Do I actually think people are saying those things about me? No. Bookstagram and authorgram have led me to meet some of the most amazing people. People I know are way too kind to speak hurtfully behind my back. But those thoughts all lead back to anxiety.

 My struggle with anxiety and depression is something I'm fairly open about on my page. I don't like this thought that we should hide our feelings. But that's something society shoves down our throat. 

So my thought is don't be ashamed when you don't make a deadline. Don't feel terrible if your post flops on Instagram or you get little views on your blog post. Don't feel like you're a bad person if your Goodreads goal remains unmet for the next year and a half. (or whatever time line) IT'S OKAY.

You are only human. And sometimes our mental health takes priority over the expectations we put on ourselves. I hope I can convince you of that as much as I try to convince myself. 

Give yourself a break. You deserve it. This world is a crazy place full of unreachable expectations and our bodies need a chance to rest from that. 

I hope you guys are doing wonderful and do something today for your self care. 

Love, Rebekah.